Death Kills Happy Endings; Jesus Resurrects

I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't have a reason to write this...

But sadly, death is one of the cruelest reminders that this world is broken beyond comprehension. And whenever we seem to forget it, it has this ugly way of interrupting our lives with its devastation, refusing to be ignored. 

I do not wish to assert any kind of expertise on this topic. Many friends, family, and others have experienced the up-close-and-personal reality of death in a way that I have not. 

However, death is a reality, for those who have gone through the heartbreaking death of a loved one and for us all. No one is exempt. So I offer this, not to belittle the pain of those going through the deep suffering associated with death, but as a fellow sufferer who is looking for hope in the midst of the saddest thing we face in this life. 

Here are some fresh reflections upon the untimely death of someone who felt very much like a friend:

Last Sunday morning, I woke up to a text from a fellow Glee fan, letting me know that my favorite male actor, Cory Monteith, had died. I was shocked. And speechless. I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't believe it. But the texts kept coming...more friends were forcing me to face the facts: A man's life had ended. And there was absolutely nothing that anyone could do about it. This was final. Unable to be undone.

But something deeper was bothering me. It seemed that this was more than just the death of a celebrity, something greater than the death of a person. This was the death of a love story. This was a happily ever after that would never come to be. And it felt wrong. Completely wrong. 

As you recall, Cory played Finn on Glee. He ever-increasingly pulled at my heartstrings as one half of the leading couple of the show - Finn and Rachel. Their relationship was hands down my favorite thing about Glee. I loved them together. On more than one occaision, I've even been known to search through past episodes just to find the Finchel moments. And as I wrote about in Real Men Love Like Jesus, my favorite thing about Finn was the way his love for Rachel reminded me of Jesus. 

These two loved each other with a red love, and as far I was concerned, the only proper way to end Glee would be with the wedding of Finn and Rachel. But now that will never happen. Can't happen. 

And just to add to the absolute heartbreak of the entire situation, Lea Michele (who plays Rachel) and Cory were also a couple off-screen, were deeply in love, and seemed to be headed for marriage in their eminent future. But now it's not possible.

And what's worse is that these same tragedies happen all the time - not just in Hollywood - but to our friends, to our families, to us. During this summer alone, I can count at least 5 deaths of the loved ones of people who are close to me - many of them, seemingly premature. 

And as I've grappled with these losses, I've realized a few things. Death doesn't care how old you are, how much money you make, how many people adore you. No matter how long and how much you love another person, there's no stopping the cruel hand of death. Death kills the best love stories. 

Yet, there's something in all of us that knows that death is wrong, that it shouldn't be this way, that death shouldn't rob us of life and the lives of those we love. Especially when it's someone young. It seems unjust. 

Unfortunately, I can't simply paint us as innocent victims. According to the Bible, we all fall short - all have sinned (Romans 3:23). You, me, Cory, everybody... And death is the just punishment for sin (Romans 6:23). So though it's hard to hear, when we experience the consequences of death, we are actually getting what we deserve.

But that's not what God created us for. He didn't create us to sin. He didn't create us to die (Genesis 2:17). He made us to be with Him, to love Him, to have a perfect relationship with Him in a perfect world. We were made for a happy ending.

However, we have no way to get back to perfection, to Eden. So Jesus took on death, paying the just penalty for our sins. And when He resurrected, He proved that death would not reign supreme, but through grace, we would reign with Him (Romans 5:17). And when He comes back, all victory will be His. For those who trust in Him for life - He lets us share in His victory. The gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus! (Romans 6:23). He gives us the opportunity to share in His love story - the one that all others point to. So we actually participate in the love story that never ends - that death could not kill.

Sadly, if you have not accepted Jesus' payment for your sins, you have volunteered to pay for them yourself, and so you are death's prisoner...now and for all eternity (Romans 6:16-18). Death has killed and will kill every single love story, every happy ending, except the one that Jesus has resurrected - His own. So any happy ending you find in this life is only temporary. But your slavery to death is self-imposed. He wants to free you. He wants you to be part of His eternal happy ending. All you have to do is ask (John 3:16-21). 

So for now, death may steal away our happy endings. I'm still grieving over Cory and for Lea. I'm still saddened that Finn and Rachel will never get married. I'm still brokenhearted for all my friends who have lost those so dear to them. Because we are made for a happy ending that this life cannot deliver. But Jesus can. With Jesus, death isn't the end. He can resurrect. He makes all broken things new. He's working on it even now. (Revelation 21:5). And His glorious story has the best ending - complete with the perfect wedding (Revelation 19:6-9, 21:1-4). I can't wait.

In the midst of loss, grief, and pain...Loving Him is Red.

What other Scriptures have comforted you when dealing with the harsh realities of death?

How do you find hope when death kills a happy ending?

Trust Jesus, Not a Timeline

Remember last week when I told you about how much I love the 4th of July? Well there's another thing I love about July. It's an idea really. A dream. You can ask my closest friends. They'll tell you. I absolutely adore the idea of getting married in July. Why? Oh, probably for similar reasons to why I love the 4th. It's warm. It's beautiful. It's perfect. And the possibility of fireworks is definitely a significant factor.

So when I made my revised timeline for my life, I had hoped to get married this July. And I prayed that I would. Sometimes it seemed a little silly, but I still prayed anyway. I say "revised" because before that, I had hoped to get married right after college. And when that didn't happen, I made the necessary adjustments in my mind to find something else to hope for. I literally considered how much longer I thought I could make it being single, without dying, and I landed in July 2013. I thought that was even pushing it a little.

Yet here I am. It's July 2013. And I'm still single. Still alive.

Ok, maybe it's not amazing to anyone else that I'm still alive. My guess is that I'm probably the only one who thought there was reasonable cause to doubt. But really...I can hardly believe that I actually survived.

Because when I made those timelines, the future seemed so far away. I thought it would take forever to get here. Which is why I was fairly convinced that I might die first. But now that I'm here, it actually feels like time went by surprisingly quickly.

The other thing that I think is kind of amazing is that I'm not mad at God. Because I prayed for something very specifically. But it didn't happen. And He had the power to make it happen. But He didn't. And that's ok with me. 

Which means I've learned something. I guess it could also just mean I'm having a good day, but let's go with the former. 

I've learned that when God doesn't answer my prayers the way I want Him to, according to my timeline, it never ever means that He has stopped loving me or has stopped answering my prayers. Instead, it usually means that I need some perspective to see or imagine the possibilities that I am currently unable to see. Because there is more happening around me and in the spiritual realm than I could ever know. But God knows about it all. And He's lovingly working it out, somehow, someway, that my limited self is unable to comprehend. And the best part is that He's graciously doing it all to make those who love Him more like Jesus (Romans 8:28-30)

And I guess that's what faith does. A perspective of faith is based on who God is and what He says, not on circumstances. And it gives you eyes to see the unseen, to believe the impossible, to hope when all hope seems lost. (Hebrews 11:1, 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, Romans 4:18-25).

So I'm not mad. How could I be mad? Mad at a God who owes me nothing yet gives me everything? He's already given Jesus for me, which is more than enough, but with Him, that's just the start of all the good He wants to lavish upon His children (Romans 8:32). And that means there's more than enough to be grateful for. So I'm thankful that God is in control of my life and has planned it better than I could. He surely knows me better than I know myself. He knows the things that I want. He even knows all about the wonderful things that I don't even know are an option - that I don't even know enough to specifically pray for. 

And so I'll keep praying. Because when He does answer specifically, then I can give Him credit for it. And when He doesn't answer in the way I thought I wanted, then I can assume He's answering in another way - maybe by doing something to bless me in a way I didn't even know was possible. Because I know my Father. And He doesn't give me a snake when I ask for a fish. Ever. ^"Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! (Matthew 7:9-11). 

When Jesus spoke these words of His Father's goodness, He's the Only One who knew how deep, how red, His Father's love was toward us. Because that love had a cost that Jesus Himself chose to bear. He would be the One who would pray specifically to His Father and ask to be delivered, but instead, the Father would give Him the cup of wrath to drink. And He would trust in His Father's goodness so completely that He would bank His very life on it. When circumstances were at their worst, as He died on that cross, He knew that His Father was accomplishing the most amazing act of history - the salvation of men. Jesus submitted His timeline to His Father and trusted in His Father's good plan. That same Spirit that gave Jesus power to endure and to raise from the dead now lives in us who have turned to Him to receive the salvation He accomplished!

This is awesome news! Because life is hard. And disappointing. And God doesn't answer our prayers the way we want Him to. But He still loves us. He's still good. Just look at Jesus! (Hebrews 12:2-3). And He gives us power to endure. So we can still have joy. We can keep trusting Him. We can keep praying. And He gives us the grace to submit our life timelines to Him.

Looking back, it's so clear that the Lord has sustained me thus far. And since I've truly enjoyed this beautiful life the Lord has graciously given me, it seems pretty likely that I'm actually going to really love the future, no matter what it may hold, no matter the timing. 

So when God reminds you that He doesn't operate according to your timeline, 

Loving Him is Red!

What are you tempted to believe about God when He doesn't answer 

your prayers on your timeline? 

What would it look like to choose to believe His Word by faith, 

instead of letting circumstances define your response?

I Love/Hate the 4th of July

I love the 4th of July! I just do. I'm pretty sure I always have. I don't even know why.

Ok, ok, I know why....

Here are a few reasons:

1. The Warren 4th of July Parade - Yes, my hometown has a parade, and it's awesome! People literally come from far and wide. You don't even understand. We locals put our lawn chairs out along the parade route up to a week in advance just to reserve our prime seating. My cousins and I used to sit right on the curb so that when candy would be thrown from the floats, we could be the first to run and get it. Heading home with a sack full of candy was the only way to go! Then when it was time for the much anticipated Zem Zem cars to perform, we pulled our feet to safety so that as the little cars roared past us, our toes wouldn't be in any danger of getting run over. But we were still always a bit scared, nonetheless, which was part of the fun. And finally we would spot our grandpa, all decked out as Poppy the Clown. After getting a family picture with him, certain relatives, like my mother, thought that it was time to go home. But I always wanted to stay til the end. For me, there is just something truly delightful about a parade. I honestly think everyone should make the effort to come to my parade. I'm serious.When I spent a summer in Harrisburg, I assumed that our state capital would certainly have an even more spectacular parade to celebrate our country's birthday. Nope. No parade. None. Warren is the place for a parade. You can laugh at me all you want, but it makes me sad to be anywhere else on the 4th of July if I have to miss my favorite parade. 

2. The Annual Family Camping trip - When I was young, my whole family used to go camping over the 4th of July. It was one of my favorite times in the entire year. My cousins and I would go on many an adventure. We loved walking to the nearby creek to catch as many crayfish as we possibly could. And of course we had to bring them all back to show our parents what valiant crayfish hunters we were. They were never nearly as impressed with our skills as we were, so they made us promptly release our little hostages back into their natural habitats. We also loved taking long bike rides and discovering new trails in the beautiful surrounding woods. And night is when the fun would really begin. Fireflies would emerge from the trees, and it became our favorite game to spot them all and catch them in a jar. My aunt would sing songs with us around the campfire for what seemed like hours on end. She always had new ones to teach us. We especially loved the one about the Austrian yodeler. And to top it all off we roasted marshmallows til they were perfectly golden brown and made s'mores. In fact, it was on one of our camping excursions where I had my very first s'more. What a thing of beauty! 

3. Fireworks - If there could be a fireworks display every night, I'm pretty sure that I still wouldn't get sick of them. I just really love fireworks. They're my favorite. And through some stroke of genius, America has decided to particularly embrace these beautiful things and set them perfectly to music to celebrate it's birthday. Whoever thought of such an idea surely gets a gold star in my book. 

4. Summer - The 4th of July is pretty much the quintessential celebration of summer! And I love summer! No other season even comes close! It's warm! It's beautiful! It's perfect! 

5. America's birthday - I love America! I really do! And I feel very privileged to have been born here. When I stop to think of it, I feel so humbled that I get to benefit from all the advantages that living in this nation affords me. I'm thankful that those who came before me were willing to fight for freedom and to make our country great. I may or may not even get a little teary during songs like "God Bless the USA."


But...despite these wonderful things that make the 4th of July particularly enchanting in my mind, there are a few things that make me sad when reality actually hits. The truth is, my present experience of the holiday can never quite seem to live up to the memory of past celebrations. My family doesn't go camping anymore. Various family members can't even travel in anymore. And sometimes it just literally rains on my parade. But even if we were all together and did the same things, I know it still wouldn't feel the same. And I just long for someone in my life to understand how much these things have meant to me, someone who loves me with a red love, someone who just wants to be with me in the longing and disappointment, someone who deeply desires to make it all better. But it feels like no such someone will ever appear. Thus, though I do love the 4th of July, it often ends up disappointing me. 

Unsurprisingly, I'm not the only one who experiences this sort of disappointment. In his book, The Prodigal God, Tim Keller writes about the very same feelings. He says:
"Many of us have fond memories of times, people, and places where we felt truly home. However, if we ever have an opportunity to get back to the places we remember so fondly, we are usually disappointed...Home, then, is a powerful but elusive concept. The strong feelings that surround reveal some deep longing within us for a place that absolutely fits and suits us, where we can be, or perhaps find, our true selves. Yet it seems that no real places or actual family ever satisfies these yearnings, though many situations arouse them." Keller then goes on to say that starting with Adam and Eve's expulsion from Eden, the Bible records one account of exile after another, and that as God's people, we have been wandering in search of our true home ever since. "That is, we have been living in a world that no longer fits our deepest longings"(91-96).

So if what I'm looking for no longer exists in this world, as long as I'm trying to find it here, I am sure to only encounter greater and greater disappointments. If I want true hope, I have to face the fact that as long as I'm living on earth, I will feel like an exile who's looking forward to my true home. Heaven is the place where I really belong, where all these longings are sure to be satisfied. Jesus is the one who has gone there to prepare a place for me, after He first came here - into my exile - so that He could pay the price for the sins that had isolated me from my Father's house and from Him - my true love (John 14:1-7). 

And if I'm longing for someone who understands, no one understands what it means to be an exile more than Jesus. He left His home from all eternity to become a man - to enter my world of hurt and sin and brokenness. And He did it all to right the wrong that I committed but couldn't undo. (John 1:1-14). I deserve to feel the pains that sin has brought into this world, because I spit in my Father's face and separated myself from Him. Yet He had compassion on me, made it right once and for all through the cross, is making it right through the process of redemption, and will one day make all things right when He finally defeats sin and death forever. The someone I have been hoping for has come, is with me now, and will appear again (Matthew 28:20, Colossians 3:4, Titus 2:11-14).

And if that's really the case, then it's ok that I won't find what I'm looking for now. I can just simply enjoy the simple pleasures of the 4th of July without expectation that they will live up to my memories. And I can enjoy the new memories as they form. I can thank the Lord that He gives us so much grace to let us see little glimpses of the things we'll experience in eternity. And I can know for sure, that He's the One who created me, loves me deeply, knows me better than anyone else, and experiences the joy in my heart right along with me when I love the things He's made me to love. And when I feel that divine homesickness that is so apt to pop up, He feels it on my behalf and can't wait til He can bring me home to Him forever. 

In the midst of all we love and long for...Loving Him is Red!

Do you have memories of special events or times that often leave you disappointed when present realities don't measure up? What would it look like to simply enjoy them and let them point you to your true love and heavenly home? 

Goodbye Delilah

So the truth is that I've been thinking about this post for a while now. It's been one of those topics that I wanted to write about, but also wanted to avoid writing on. Plus it seems like there's been little time to write as I've been going to practically every conference imaginable. I shouldn't delay it further though. It's time to share.

As I recently reread the story of Samson and Delilah from Judges 16, I was struck anew by the devastation that Delilah brings upon Samson. She doesn't actually love him, but uses his affection for her to her own advantage. It made me sad to see a woman use a man in this way. And it saddened me even more when I thought about how I can often do the same thing.

You see, I had already been chewing on this very topic after listening to "Heart Attack" by Demi Lovato. In the song, she compares her behavior toward guys that she doesn't actually care about with the way she acts when she is truly interested in a guy. In the one instance, she acts like Delilah as she confidently manipulates men for the sake of her own gain, and "plays them like a Ken doll." In the other situation, (what I'd call the beginning stages of red love) she is extremely eager to impress, but gets "so nervous" that she feels "paralyzed," as though she doesn't even know how to act like herself. After listening to the lyrics carefully, I was amazed at how closely my own life reflected that same contrast. 

As much as I hate to admit it, I get pretty scared of dying alone and unloved. And it's a problem that leads me into foolishness. I know the kind of guy that I'm looking for, and I'm committed to waiting for him. But when I start to see glimpses of interest from other guys, I really act against my better judgment and allow my fears to thrust me into Delilah mode.

Here's how it all goes down: Once I notice a guy who impresses me enough to make me nervous, I commit to trusting the Lord and waiting as long as it takes for him to stop being oblivious and actually pursue me. But then nothing happens. And after waiting for what seems like an eternity, I get impatient. Then the fear kicks in. I start to think, "This man is never going to love me. Ever. This is sick and twisted that I'm waiting for something that's never going to happen. Won't someone please love me?!?" And then it happens. Another guy shows me attention. He might even give me "the look." And it's nice to not be invisible. For someone to notice I'm alive. To actually care. To show some interest about my life. And he seems like an ok guy. He's not on the "absolutely not" list. But he definitely doesn't impress me enough to make me nervous nor does he remind me of Jesus in a way that truly stirs my heart. Thus begins the fight between my desire to be loved, my conscience, my desire to obey the Lord, and my inner sense of idealism. At the end of the fight, I arrive at the conclusion that I can't marry the guy who's expressing interest, so I can't date him, and I can't respond to him in a way that would make him want to keep giving me attention. 

The problem arises when I can't bring myself to act in accordance with my conclusions. I get scared to continue on my seemingly endless path of feeling alone and unloved. Because I actually want to be pursued, probably more than most anything else. But if I just let this man continue to give me attention when I'm convinced that the relationship won't go anywhere, I don't choose to love him more than myself; I use him for my own gain. And that's not the kind of woman God has called me to be.

Plus let's face the facts here. Savoring the attention of someone you're not actually interested in marrying doesn't give you what you want anyway. It's more like an anesthetic for your heart. And in the end the pain is worse than if you just endured and sought true healing instead of a temporary numbness. But thankfully, the Lord extends that healing to us. He knows that our sins and unfaithfulness to Him have left us so broken that He's the only one who can mend our hearts and make us whole. "Come, let us return to the Lord; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, and he will bind us up" (Hosea 6:1).

In the midst of all the devices we use to numb our pain, the Lord is the one who's jealous for our hearts. He's been pursuing us the whole time. No matter how convinced we are that we're alone and completely unloved, He is declaring His faithful, everlasting love over us.

Why then would we ever want to use this fake, heart-numbing, short term solution when we could have something real and enduring?

And if we already have a secure love with the Lord, we can fight our self-protective fear and actually take the risk of letting ourselves imagine a future with someone who seems far above us, someone unattainable, someone who makes us forget how to speak in normal sentences. And we can choose to do good to them, whether or not they ever return the affection. That's surely what Jesus has done for us. He committed to love us long before we ever loved Him, and continues to love us, despite the ways we still reject Him, even as we love our own glory more than we love Him. He was willing to pay the penalty and bear the cost for it all. 

So as we seek to say goodbye to our own inner Delilah, our only hope lies with Jesus. He does not condemn us, but offers covering for sin and power for real change. This is such good news! Because when I take a good hard look at how real my sin is, I start thinking, "I am a menace to society. I really need to be kept locked up somewhere so that I don't have a chance to harm anyone and I can just love Jesus and not do anything horrible." But the truth is that Jesus died for menaces like me and like you so that we could be made new. That means we don't have to be trapped by our old self-seeking agendas, but we're free to love God and love others all the more.

Because Loving Him is Real and Red!

What other ways do you find yourself trying to numb your pain? 

How have you learned to cling to Jesus, instead?

Anticipating the True Promised Land

You know the expression, "When it rains it pours"? It seems almost comical for so many difficult things to actually happen in such a short amount of time. There's hardly anything else to do besides laugh. Or cry.  

These past few weeks have been kind of like that for me. Here's just some of the ridiculous things that have happened: Right when I was about to leave for an overnight trip, my car decided that it wanted to shut off while I was driving it. Then I couldn't get in touch with anyone to help me. After finding a solution, I got stuck in construction and had to take a detour, when I was already running late. Then I second guessed myself and missed my exit, even though I've gone that way a bunch of times before. After that I got the worst sore throat I've had in a long time. I locked myself out of my house. I got a splinter in my toe after running into my end table. And to top it all off, remember that relationship I ended as my first step of believing that God's love could be better than the love of another person? I found out that the guy who used to talk about marrying me is now engaged to marry someone else - while I'm still single.

I know...those circumstances aren't really all that bad, even when you put them all together. But it wasn't really the circumstances that bothered me. I actually stayed surprisingly calm through most of it (which I credit entirely to God's protection and grace.) So why then did I end up crying so much? I can't think of any other way to describe it except that it was as though my feelings were screaming lies at me: "You are alone! You're not important to anyone. No one loves you or cares about you at all. You don't actually have any real friends. They all have their own great happy lives and have everything they want, so they don't have time to be bothered with you. And you're really such an idiot. You could have someone to prioritize you, to answer your phone calls, to help you when you're in trouble, but you stupidly gave that up for Jesus. And you pray and you wait and for what? You should be getting married, but your idiotic decisions have taken you away from marriage time and time again. You purposely give up the things you want for God, and you get nothing! Nothing!" 

It makes me shudder to even reread those terrible distortions of the truth. And it should. The Bible says that Satan is the father of lies (John 8:44). So that means that those lies that were running through my head are straight from the pit of Hell.

But the thing is...they didn't seem like lies. They felt completely true. Even though I was able to logically and objectively see that the strong emotions I was feeling were utterly based upon lies, I still felt them anyway. And it was deeply saddening. Debilitating.

Even in the midst of the sadness though, I thought back to my first big decision to believe that God's love was better than any human love, and I remembered being fully aware of the risk that I was taking and the decision that I was making. It scared me to think that I might be giving up love and marriage during my time on earth. But I didn't just want to follow Jesus to get all the good things that this life has to offer. I wanted to follow Jesus to get Jesus. So I knew, despite my fear, that Jesus was worth it - that He was worth following, even if it cost me the thing I most desired, even if it cost me everything. 

So through my present tears, I still believed it was worth it. I didn't actually regret my choices to follow Jesus. But I still felt alone. 

Then I spent some time reading God's Word - reading Moses' plea to enter the promised land and how God still refused his request (Deuteronomy 3:23-28). And I began to feel a kinship with Moses, as I put myself in his shoes, considering how deeply he must have desired to enter this great land flowing with milk and honey and how sad he must have been to have God deny that desire. But then I realized that Moses is no longer sad as he is now in the true promised land - Heaven! And then I thought of Jesus.

Why Jesus? I would like to suggest that Moses doesn't get to enter the promised land in part because he's sinful, but in part because he points to Jesus. We know that this is a valid comparison to make because Jesus talks about the Bible in this way, "And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, Jesus interpreted to them in all the Scriptures the things concerning himself" (Luke 24:27). Unlike Jesus, Moses is, of course, a fallen, sinful human. But like Jesus, Moses constantly intercedes for God's people during his time on earth. Throughout the wilderness wanderings, God threatens to simply destroy the rebellious Israelites and fulfill His promise through Moses, but Moses pleads with God on the people's behalf. Though he does not do it perfectly, Moses both loves the people and loves upholding God's great name to the rest of the nations. Without those rebellious people to stir up God's and Moses' anger, Moses would have been free to enter the promised land. But because Moses is intent on making sure that God rescues the people, Moses is unwilling to have God destroy them, which eventually leads to Moses' desire of entering the promised land going unmet. And if anyone understands unmet desires, it's Jesus. Just think of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36-46).

God said no to Jesus' request to avoid the cross so that He could bless countless others by reconciling them to Himself. Have you considered that since you are being made into the image of Christ that maybe God is saying no to you that countless others might be blessed and reconciled to God? 

Sometimes God doesn't give us the things that we deeply desire. And it hurts. And it's hard. And we feel like we can't go on. And worst of all...we feel alone. But we are not alone! There are people around us who are struggling too. And Moses understands. And more than anyone else, Jesus understands. Jesus knows what it's like to be completely and utterly alone, cut off from His Father, who denied His request to allow salvation to happen any other way - all so that when you and I are facing the disappointments of life, we have someone to walk through it with us. And even more than that, because of Jesus' sacrifice, His Spirit living inside us can bring us a new perspective of our disappointments. We can actually view our disappointments through the lens of redemption - that God intends to  bring new spiritual life to our own hearts and to the hearts of those around us.

So we can spend our lives working to get the things we want for ourselves or even lamenting the things we've given up or that God has withheld from us. Or we can live like the words of Hebrews 13:14 are true: "For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come." And we can imitate Jesus - interceding on the behalf of others so that as many as possible might be reconciled to God. And we can make our prayer, "Father, let us be like Jesus. Take anything, deny us anything, ask us to let go of anything, put us through anything - if that means that more people get to know You, if that means that more of your people get to enter Heaven, the true promised land."

And honestly there are days when I feel like I cannot go on - that I will literally die if I have to spend one more day being single. But God gives me grace to make it through. He gives me eyes to see the people He wants me to minister to. And then I forget why I was so sad. Because I can focus on what God has called me to do - how He's called me to bless others, right now. 

And one day the fight will be over. And there will be no more sorrow. No more pain. No more loneliness. No more disappointment. Just the face of my God, who died to rescue me - even from the slavery to my own desires. And it will all be worth it. (Revelation 21:1-4).

Because even when life is disappointing...Loving Him is Red.

What's your idea of an earthly "promised land"? 

How do you respond when feeling disappointed or alone? 

How has God been teaching you to look forward to the true promised land of Heaven? 

The Cost of Beauty - Not Worth Your Soul

Ok, here's the truth...

I really did try to write this post last week, but I got so caught up in wanting to cover every aspect of the topic, and I just couldn't do it in one post. Thus, I resolved to write another post at a later date. So stay tuned. Also, I think I needed a little extra time and courage. So here goes...

Do you ever have one of those weeks when every time you look in the mirror, or every time you see a picture of yourself, you just want to cringe? I do...frequently. There's always something wrong, always something to critique. Just a few weeks ago, I was having a particularly bad week. And that's when I heard this song:

The first time I heard this Boyce Avenue version of That's What Makes You Beautiful, I was immediately hit with a wall of emotion. It was as if this man were singing to me. But he wasn't. And I wanted someone to sing it to me, someone I loved, someone who loved me, someone who meant it. But no man was. I just wanted it to be real. 

And I quickly convinced myself that if I had some amazing man declaring to me and to the world that I was beautiful (preferably through song), then that would make it true, and then I would believe it always, and never have any trouble feeling beautiful ever again! I then proceeded to berate myself for letting go of all my opportunities to have this kind of affirmation, security, and love.

But then a still small voice inside of me said, "Sarah, it's not worth your soul." 

In Matthew 16:25-26, Jesus says, "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?"

And in that moment, I realized that I was believing a terrible lie - that instead of finding my salvation in Jesus, I was believing that all of my hope was essentially wrapped up in having a man to love me, affirm me, and make me feel beautiful. And in the past, I used to build my life around this lie, so on many occasions, Jesus has called me to purposefully let go of the affirmation, love, and security that come from a man for the sake of following Him, but the lie just so easily creeps into my head.  

What's so ridiculous about this whole thing though (and it's the part that I forget when I'm all caught up in believing this terrible lie) is that even in the past, when I've had all the affirmation I wanted from guys, it was still never enough. I still struggled with the mirror. My 15-year-old-self still begged my mom to let me take diet pills even though I only weighed 120 lbs; I was convinced that I could never be skinny enough. (Thankfully she didn't let me.) And even when guys were literally fighting to date me, I was never convinced that being the way that I was could be good enough. (And I'm not telling you that so you think I'm awesome, but so you know the praise of man is empty.)

Because I still long to be flawless, and no matter how hard I try, I cannot be flawless! And the most annoying part is, I don't even know why I care so much. It's just completely illogical, and the only way I know how to explain it is that God just put this desire in women to want to be beautiful to somehow reflect who He is. But it's a broken desire, in a broken world, as we wear these broken bodies that are decaying because of sin. So I know that it's the inside that matters most, that any outer beauty I have will not last, and no amount of praise from others will certainly ever be enough.


But I think the Lord knows that I'm weak, that I need some help when I'm struggling to see myself from His perspective - that I'm loved and completely accepted in Christ. So thanks to those who have recently helped me to remember that God sees me as beautiful - Mary Elizabeth, Abby, Elby, Will, Donald, Brittany - even if you didn't realize it, and even though some of you were complete strangers!


Even more than that, I've come to realize that the truth is, I do have it wrong. And I need someone to tell me the truth - someone whose opinion matters most. And so do you.

Jesus tells us that He loves us, that we belong to Him, and that it's enough!

Now do I still want someone to sing me that 1D song? Of course. Do I still want my future husband to think I'm beautiful on the outside and love me for who I am on the inside. Obviously. But do I need it? Naw. Not worth my soul.

So...

Ladies - Having a man in your life to affirm you and tell you that you're beautiful will never satisfy or make you feel truly secure. It's surely a good thing and can help you to have a better picture of how the Lord views you, but it is not worth your soul. So stop running after it. Instead, pull yourself away from the mirror and ask the Lord to help show you how He sees you. And stop comparing yourselves to the rest of the ladies around you - God made them and thinks they're beautiful too - so tell them that!

Men - Having a beautiful girl on your arm (or on your computer screen) to make you feel awesome and manly will not give you real lasting confidence. It's not worth your soul.
Is there a girl in your life looking to you for affirmation? By all means, affirm her when appropriate. But do it in a way that points her to Jesus. Your affirmation of her will never be enough. But Jesus' is. And it might be really annoying to her the way you point her to Jesus, but keep doing it anyway. She will thank you for it later.

And even when you don't feel beautiful, Loving Him is Red!

Alright, friends...I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this. 

So what does it look like for you? 

What helps you in the midst of your struggle? 

How does the Lord remind you of His perspective of you? 

Sacrifice - The Heart of Real Love

I'm not afraid to admit it. The newest movie version of Les Miserables literally had me weeping. I couldn't help but be moved by all the amazing examples of love, grace, and sacrifice, especially by Eponine's character and the sacrifices she makes for the sake of red love.

If you're unfamiliar with the plot, consider this your spoiler alert!

Here's a quick summary of pertinent details: Our story is set in France during the Revolution, where a young lady named Eponine is in love with an idealistic university student named Marius. But for Marius, it's love at first sight when he spots a girl named Cossette, and he enlists Eponine to help him reconnect with her. (He even literally sings about red love the way that Taylor does.) Of course, Eponine is so in love with Marius that she is willing to do anything for him and agrees to help. Then once our young revolutionaries (including Marius and Eponine) decide to take their stand against the French army, Eponine sacrifices her life by jumping in front of Marius, taking the bullet that was meant for him.

For the life of me, I still can't totally understand why Eponine loves Marius or why he doesn't love her back...but I guess that's part of what makes her story so beautiful. She's in love with Marius - a fool, who takes her love for granted, though she loves him enough to die for him. And she knows that he'll never love her back, yet she willingly takes a bullet for him. She gives her own life to save his, even though he wouldn't do the same. I get all teary just thinking about it.

But why? Why is this sacrifice beautiful? Why do you and I blink back tears as Eponine dies to save the man she so deeply loves? I think it's because she points to Jesus and the sacrifice involved in His love story. God's whole definition of love is based around Jesus' sacrifice: "In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." (1 John 4:10). So as we see Eponine give her life for a man who does not love her back, we see a beautiful picture of what Jesus has done. Though we were blind fools who took His love for granted, He loved us enough to die for us.

And the death of Jesus wasn't just any death - it was the most horrifying, shameful death in all of history. He was wrongfully condemned as a criminal, tortured beyond comprehension so that at the end of it, he didn't even look like a man anymore, and He was nailed to a cross and hung there completely naked, exposed and vulnerable, while those who stood watching mocked Him, spit on Him, and called out false accusations against Him. But that's not even the worse part. As He hung there, making payment for the sins of the world, He bore the crushing weight of His Father's wrath and righteous anger upon His soul. And He willingly faced this terror for His enemies, like you and me - all so that our sins would no longer condemn us and separate us from a Holy God. He died that we might live! (Mark 15, Isaiah 53, Hebrews 12:1-2).

What's even more amazing is that Jesus didn't stay dead! God the Father accepted Jesus' sacrifice for sin, and as proof of that, Jesus resurrected from the dead! The power of sin and death could not hold Him, since they were no match for the power of His indestructible life. And because Christ was raised from the dead, we can also live a new life now and for eternity! (Mark 16, Hebrews 7:15-19, Romans 6:3-11)

Part of that new life is to become more and more like Jesus. As we look at Him and someone like Eponine who so beautifully demonstrates sacrificial love, it should transform us and give us an ever-increasing desire for that kind of love to shine out of our lives.

In thinking about this concept and it's intersection with a longing for red love, there seem to be plenty of opportunities to cultivate a heart of sacrifice. So whenever I realize that I'm interested in someone, of course, I do what a bunch of us do...I pray that we would either get married or that God would take the feelings away. But as you can see, I'm not married, and as you might be able to glean from my writing, I have more intense feelings than I know what to do with. So instead of giving into fear and frustration, for the past few years I've tried to put these feelings to good use to help me become more like Jesus. 

What do I mean? Well, let's be honest here...as a woman, wisdom typically hinders me from declaring my feelings, but they refuse to go away, so they're just all bottled up inside me, threatening to kill me at any second...and surely something must be done with them! I've tried to deny the feelings out of self-protection, but that response doesn't really leave me more like Jesus. So I pray some very challenging prayers. If I'm interested in a man, I pray for him, and I pray that he would marry someone much more godly than I am. And I pray that God would give him the desires of his heart, even if that does not include me. And I pray for anything else good that I can think of for him, even if that good might lead to my pain.  

I know it might sound kind of strange, but this is a very helpful and purposeful way for me to:

1. Learn to trust Jesus 
It's pretty easy for me to freak out when I think about the possibility of not getting the things I long for most. But in the midst of my freak outs, I lose sight of my gracious Heavenly Father who loves me, wants to care for and provide for me, but who doesn't want me to be enslaved by my desires. So I talk to Him about the things that seem scariest to me and recognize that I'm not the one who's in control, but He is. 

2. Choose to be like Jesus 
It is so helpful for me to choose to love another person more than I love myself. Because naturally I'm a very selfish person, so I just want what I want, when I want it. But I have been captivated by the sacrificial love of Christ. It's amazing. I just can't get enough of it. And I want to be like Him in it. So when I think of all that He has done - that He loved me, at great cost to Himself, though there was nothing particularly lovable about me, and though I expressed no desire to love Him in return - I cannot help but desire to be like Him in His love. Though the sacrifice involved in this type of love goes against everything in my flesh, my new heart embraces the freedom found in choosing to love this way, because it's motivated by the same freedom Jesus had to give up His life for us.  

3. Get to know Jesus in a deeper way
For me to love another person unselfishly (though imperfectly) even in the tiniest degree is the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. As I have prayed these challenging prayers by faith, and as the Lord has actually changed my heart to desire the things I'm praying for, I feel like I have grown closer to Christ and have understood His love in ways I never have before. And my guess is that's why it's no mistake that the epic line toward the end of Les Mis, "To love another person is to see the face of God," is set to the music of Eponine's song, On My Own.  When we choose to love others sacrificially, as Eponine did and as Jesus did, we see and experience Christ's love more clearly. We get to experience bits and pieces of what He went through to win us back. It was painful for Him, just like it is for us. But the joy of getting us back kept Him going, and the joy of knowing Him can keep us going. 

Why Jesus ever thought it was worth it to give up His life to get us, I still don't know. 

But I do know that Jesus' sacrificial love is so beautiful! 

Loving Him is Red!

Check out this Les Mis movie trailer set to Eponine's amazing song: On My Own

Have you been captivated by the sacrificial love of Jesus? If so, how are you seeking to train your heart to love others, even when it comes at a great cost to yourself? 

How will you celebrate the sacrificial love of Jesus this weekend as we look back on Jesus' death and resurrection?