Anticipating the True Promised Land

You know the expression, "When it rains it pours"? It seems almost comical for so many difficult things to actually happen in such a short amount of time. There's hardly anything else to do besides laugh. Or cry.  

These past few weeks have been kind of like that for me. Here's just some of the ridiculous things that have happened: Right when I was about to leave for an overnight trip, my car decided that it wanted to shut off while I was driving it. Then I couldn't get in touch with anyone to help me. After finding a solution, I got stuck in construction and had to take a detour, when I was already running late. Then I second guessed myself and missed my exit, even though I've gone that way a bunch of times before. After that I got the worst sore throat I've had in a long time. I locked myself out of my house. I got a splinter in my toe after running into my end table. And to top it all off, remember that relationship I ended as my first step of believing that God's love could be better than the love of another person? I found out that the guy who used to talk about marrying me is now engaged to marry someone else - while I'm still single.

I know...those circumstances aren't really all that bad, even when you put them all together. But it wasn't really the circumstances that bothered me. I actually stayed surprisingly calm through most of it (which I credit entirely to God's protection and grace.) So why then did I end up crying so much? I can't think of any other way to describe it except that it was as though my feelings were screaming lies at me: "You are alone! You're not important to anyone. No one loves you or cares about you at all. You don't actually have any real friends. They all have their own great happy lives and have everything they want, so they don't have time to be bothered with you. And you're really such an idiot. You could have someone to prioritize you, to answer your phone calls, to help you when you're in trouble, but you stupidly gave that up for Jesus. And you pray and you wait and for what? You should be getting married, but your idiotic decisions have taken you away from marriage time and time again. You purposely give up the things you want for God, and you get nothing! Nothing!" 

It makes me shudder to even reread those terrible distortions of the truth. And it should. The Bible says that Satan is the father of lies (John 8:44). So that means that those lies that were running through my head are straight from the pit of Hell.

But the thing is...they didn't seem like lies. They felt completely true. Even though I was able to logically and objectively see that the strong emotions I was feeling were utterly based upon lies, I still felt them anyway. And it was deeply saddening. Debilitating.

Even in the midst of the sadness though, I thought back to my first big decision to believe that God's love was better than any human love, and I remembered being fully aware of the risk that I was taking and the decision that I was making. It scared me to think that I might be giving up love and marriage during my time on earth. But I didn't just want to follow Jesus to get all the good things that this life has to offer. I wanted to follow Jesus to get Jesus. So I knew, despite my fear, that Jesus was worth it - that He was worth following, even if it cost me the thing I most desired, even if it cost me everything. 

So through my present tears, I still believed it was worth it. I didn't actually regret my choices to follow Jesus. But I still felt alone. 

Then I spent some time reading God's Word - reading Moses' plea to enter the promised land and how God still refused his request (Deuteronomy 3:23-28). And I began to feel a kinship with Moses, as I put myself in his shoes, considering how deeply he must have desired to enter this great land flowing with milk and honey and how sad he must have been to have God deny that desire. But then I realized that Moses is no longer sad as he is now in the true promised land - Heaven! And then I thought of Jesus.

Why Jesus? I would like to suggest that Moses doesn't get to enter the promised land in part because he's sinful, but in part because he points to Jesus. We know that this is a valid comparison to make because Jesus talks about the Bible in this way, "And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, Jesus interpreted to them in all the Scriptures the things concerning himself" (Luke 24:27). Unlike Jesus, Moses is, of course, a fallen, sinful human. But like Jesus, Moses constantly intercedes for God's people during his time on earth. Throughout the wilderness wanderings, God threatens to simply destroy the rebellious Israelites and fulfill His promise through Moses, but Moses pleads with God on the people's behalf. Though he does not do it perfectly, Moses both loves the people and loves upholding God's great name to the rest of the nations. Without those rebellious people to stir up God's and Moses' anger, Moses would have been free to enter the promised land. But because Moses is intent on making sure that God rescues the people, Moses is unwilling to have God destroy them, which eventually leads to Moses' desire of entering the promised land going unmet. And if anyone understands unmet desires, it's Jesus. Just think of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36-46).

God said no to Jesus' request to avoid the cross so that He could bless countless others by reconciling them to Himself. Have you considered that since you are being made into the image of Christ that maybe God is saying no to you that countless others might be blessed and reconciled to God? 

Sometimes God doesn't give us the things that we deeply desire. And it hurts. And it's hard. And we feel like we can't go on. And worst of all...we feel alone. But we are not alone! There are people around us who are struggling too. And Moses understands. And more than anyone else, Jesus understands. Jesus knows what it's like to be completely and utterly alone, cut off from His Father, who denied His request to allow salvation to happen any other way - all so that when you and I are facing the disappointments of life, we have someone to walk through it with us. And even more than that, because of Jesus' sacrifice, His Spirit living inside us can bring us a new perspective of our disappointments. We can actually view our disappointments through the lens of redemption - that God intends to  bring new spiritual life to our own hearts and to the hearts of those around us.

So we can spend our lives working to get the things we want for ourselves or even lamenting the things we've given up or that God has withheld from us. Or we can live like the words of Hebrews 13:14 are true: "For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come." And we can imitate Jesus - interceding on the behalf of others so that as many as possible might be reconciled to God. And we can make our prayer, "Father, let us be like Jesus. Take anything, deny us anything, ask us to let go of anything, put us through anything - if that means that more people get to know You, if that means that more of your people get to enter Heaven, the true promised land."

And honestly there are days when I feel like I cannot go on - that I will literally die if I have to spend one more day being single. But God gives me grace to make it through. He gives me eyes to see the people He wants me to minister to. And then I forget why I was so sad. Because I can focus on what God has called me to do - how He's called me to bless others, right now. 

And one day the fight will be over. And there will be no more sorrow. No more pain. No more loneliness. No more disappointment. Just the face of my God, who died to rescue me - even from the slavery to my own desires. And it will all be worth it. (Revelation 21:1-4).

Because even when life is disappointing...Loving Him is Red.

What's your idea of an earthly "promised land"? 

How do you respond when feeling disappointed or alone? 

How has God been teaching you to look forward to the true promised land of Heaven? 

The Cost of Beauty - Not Worth Your Soul

Ok, here's the truth...

I really did try to write this post last week, but I got so caught up in wanting to cover every aspect of the topic, and I just couldn't do it in one post. Thus, I resolved to write another post at a later date. So stay tuned. Also, I think I needed a little extra time and courage. So here goes...

Do you ever have one of those weeks when every time you look in the mirror, or every time you see a picture of yourself, you just want to cringe? I do...frequently. There's always something wrong, always something to critique. Just a few weeks ago, I was having a particularly bad week. And that's when I heard this song:

The first time I heard this Boyce Avenue version of That's What Makes You Beautiful, I was immediately hit with a wall of emotion. It was as if this man were singing to me. But he wasn't. And I wanted someone to sing it to me, someone I loved, someone who loved me, someone who meant it. But no man was. I just wanted it to be real. 

And I quickly convinced myself that if I had some amazing man declaring to me and to the world that I was beautiful (preferably through song), then that would make it true, and then I would believe it always, and never have any trouble feeling beautiful ever again! I then proceeded to berate myself for letting go of all my opportunities to have this kind of affirmation, security, and love.

But then a still small voice inside of me said, "Sarah, it's not worth your soul." 

In Matthew 16:25-26, Jesus says, "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?"

And in that moment, I realized that I was believing a terrible lie - that instead of finding my salvation in Jesus, I was believing that all of my hope was essentially wrapped up in having a man to love me, affirm me, and make me feel beautiful. And in the past, I used to build my life around this lie, so on many occasions, Jesus has called me to purposefully let go of the affirmation, love, and security that come from a man for the sake of following Him, but the lie just so easily creeps into my head.  

What's so ridiculous about this whole thing though (and it's the part that I forget when I'm all caught up in believing this terrible lie) is that even in the past, when I've had all the affirmation I wanted from guys, it was still never enough. I still struggled with the mirror. My 15-year-old-self still begged my mom to let me take diet pills even though I only weighed 120 lbs; I was convinced that I could never be skinny enough. (Thankfully she didn't let me.) And even when guys were literally fighting to date me, I was never convinced that being the way that I was could be good enough. (And I'm not telling you that so you think I'm awesome, but so you know the praise of man is empty.)

Because I still long to be flawless, and no matter how hard I try, I cannot be flawless! And the most annoying part is, I don't even know why I care so much. It's just completely illogical, and the only way I know how to explain it is that God just put this desire in women to want to be beautiful to somehow reflect who He is. But it's a broken desire, in a broken world, as we wear these broken bodies that are decaying because of sin. So I know that it's the inside that matters most, that any outer beauty I have will not last, and no amount of praise from others will certainly ever be enough.


But I think the Lord knows that I'm weak, that I need some help when I'm struggling to see myself from His perspective - that I'm loved and completely accepted in Christ. So thanks to those who have recently helped me to remember that God sees me as beautiful - Mary Elizabeth, Abby, Elby, Will, Donald, Brittany - even if you didn't realize it, and even though some of you were complete strangers!


Even more than that, I've come to realize that the truth is, I do have it wrong. And I need someone to tell me the truth - someone whose opinion matters most. And so do you.

Jesus tells us that He loves us, that we belong to Him, and that it's enough!

Now do I still want someone to sing me that 1D song? Of course. Do I still want my future husband to think I'm beautiful on the outside and love me for who I am on the inside. Obviously. But do I need it? Naw. Not worth my soul.

So...

Ladies - Having a man in your life to affirm you and tell you that you're beautiful will never satisfy or make you feel truly secure. It's surely a good thing and can help you to have a better picture of how the Lord views you, but it is not worth your soul. So stop running after it. Instead, pull yourself away from the mirror and ask the Lord to help show you how He sees you. And stop comparing yourselves to the rest of the ladies around you - God made them and thinks they're beautiful too - so tell them that!

Men - Having a beautiful girl on your arm (or on your computer screen) to make you feel awesome and manly will not give you real lasting confidence. It's not worth your soul.
Is there a girl in your life looking to you for affirmation? By all means, affirm her when appropriate. But do it in a way that points her to Jesus. Your affirmation of her will never be enough. But Jesus' is. And it might be really annoying to her the way you point her to Jesus, but keep doing it anyway. She will thank you for it later.

And even when you don't feel beautiful, Loving Him is Red!

Alright, friends...I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this. 

So what does it look like for you? 

What helps you in the midst of your struggle? 

How does the Lord remind you of His perspective of you?