Imperishable

Let me just state the obvious for a second. When given the choice, I think all of us would admit that it's much more logical to choose something that is guaranteed to last as opposed to something that is guaranteed to break. But honestly, in the case of beauty, I am much more inclined to spend my time trying to make something that will break into something that will last. You may remember me sharing about one facet of this long time struggle in The Cost of Beauty - Not Worth Your Soul. As I'm sure is true of many of you, the struggle hasn't gone away...

This past month alone has included: an intense allergy attack that literally made it look like I had been punched in both eyes, a number of bad hair days in which my rebellious locks refused to do anything cooperative, several smudged nails in the midst of an attempt to give myself a perfect manicure, and last but not least, a red bump on my forehead caused by a head on collision with a flying iPhone. 

It's not like these things were earth shattering occurrences. But at every step of the way, I found myself getting annoyed with these little hindrances to my preferred physical appearance and thought to myself, "Is it really so much to ask to have my hair look cute today?" or "All I want is for my stupid nails to just turn out nicely for once!" And as I focused more and more intently on fixing each glaring flaw, I couldn't help but think, "God is answering my prayer to take away my idols by burning my bridges down."

Quite honestly though, most of the time, I would really just prefer if God simply granted my wish for external beauty without challenging my tendency to worship outward appearance. In other words, I would rather have Him let me be satisfied with beauty that fades than have Him teach me about beauty that does not. Because if He teaches me about beauty that lasts, then that will probably include suffering, as has been the case in my month of beauty fails, and maybe even worse... 

How do I know that?

Mostly because of what I've been recently reminded of in 1 Peter: 

^"3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, ⁴ to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, ⁵ who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. ⁶ In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, ⁷ so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. ⁸ Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, ⁹ obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." (1 Peter 1:3-9)

At the beginning of his letter, Peter takes time in verse 3 to remind His audience that because of what Jesus has accomplished through His death and resurrection, Jesus is now eternally alive, and He is their hope! He then goes on in verse 4 to tell them that part of this hope is the lasting inheritance or treasure that's in store for them in heaven. But Peter is sensitive to the fact that these people have truly been suffering, so though he recognizes they have many reasons to rejoice in what Jesus has done for them in verse 6, Peter doesn't want to ignore the difficult things they have been going through. So in verse 7, he graciously reminds them that though these trials have grieved them, the result is that these temporary hardships are shaping their faith into something that is increasingly precious and genuine.

I think that's encouraging even just in and of itself.

But what's even more interesting is the similar way that Peter talks to women about beauty in chapter 3 of that same letter.

^"3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— ⁴ but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. ⁵ For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, ⁶ as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening." (1 Peter 3:3-6)

Notice the words that I italicized in both chapters 1 and 3. Peter uses the same word to describe the inheritance in 1:4 as he uses to describe the beauty he wants women to cultivate in 3:4 - imperishable. Not only that, but he also uses the same word to characterize their faith in 1:7 as he does when he refers again to the internal beauty of the heart in 3:4 - precious. And the word hope is used in both passages - referring to a living hope in 1:3 and hope in God in 3:5. 

It's as if Peter is saying, "I know that the things you can see - like your outward circumstances and the way you look- might seem really important, but actually, the things that are unseen - like your faith and the beauty of your heart - are the things that truly have lasting value. So if you put your hope in God, instead of all the externals, you are choosing to focus on something that does not fade. Your faith grows and becomes more precious - more beautiful - because you are choosing to put your hope in something that will stay intact forever."  

Now don't get me wrong. I'm all about celebrating external beauty in a way that gives glory to God for creating us in His image. But what I don't want to be about is celebrating it in a way that turns what's meant to be used to worship our Creator into a way to worship self, since that's surely the very pride and self-centeredness that God is opposing in me when He brings these continual beauty fails into my life. 

So when all of my efforts to cultivate outward beauty fail me, it is God's gracious reminder that nothing else can be my living hope except for Jesus. It's His way of fighting for my heart, as He calls me to turn to Him in humble repentance and reminds me of the lasting inheritance in store for me in heaven. Instead of allowing me to foolishly set my heart on beauty that will fade, He wants to cultivate real, unfading, and imperishable beauty within my soul through His Spirit at work inside me. And He won't give up til all this bridge burning is done and He sees me in glory.

Even when His goodness and pursuant love is annoying, Loving Him is Red!

How has the Lord been teaching you about things that have lasting value versus things that fade?



And...just for fun! In case you want some music to think about, check out this amazing cover of Royals by Pentatonix that I've been listening to on repeat. It's a song that exposes part of the trouble of putting hope in externals, but really only offers the solution of an imaginary world instead of true hope.

Burn My Bridges Down

It's hard to even know where to start when it comes to all the things that God has been teaching me recently. But since my emotions typically speak best through song lyrics, that seems like a good place to begin.

Maybe you're familiar with the heartbreakingly beautiful song Stay by Rihanna featuring Mikky Ekko. The melancholy tone of the music is evident right from the first piano phrase. But the most hopeless part of the song comes during the bridge, when they sing, "The reason I hold on...cause I need this hole gone." In other words, the reason that these two can't give up their relationship - even though it doesn't seem like a good one -  is because there's an emptiness inside each of them that they believe the other person can fill. 

As much as I wish it wasn't the case, if I'm honest, I think the reason why that phrase has seemed so hopeless is because I have often felt exactly the same way - that there is an inexplicable hole in my heart that refuses to be filled, and all I want is for that hole to just go away. And if I'm even more honest, I have often believed that the only way for that emptiness to be truly filled is with the love of another person. So the way I've frequently taught myself to endure the emptiness is by telling myself that if I can just wait long enough for the man of my dreams to love me, pursue me, and marry me, then that's when the emptiness will finally be gone. That's when my hands will finally be warm, because I will finally be truly loved enough to heat my cold heart. 

As I reflected upon this emptiness, I reminded myself that I, of course, couldn't depend upon another person to fill the hole in my heart and that I must look to Jesus to do so. But since I'd been a Christian for a while, yet the emptiness still remained, it made me wonder why it wasn't working - why wasn't Jesus filling the hole in my heart? 

After some time, it occurred to me that maybe I was part of the problem. Maybe the reason that Jesus wasn't filling the emptiness was because I was still frantically intent on filling it with other things, and as long as I attempted to do so, that hole would never be filled. And I would never live the life God created me for - to love and worship Him above all other things and to love others as Jesus did. 

So I decided to try something. I wasn't really sure what it would even be or what it would look like. But I knew that something had to change.  I had to change. And considering how the Lord changes human hearts, I knew it had to involve repentance. And I knew that it would specifically have to involve fighting against my relationship idol. So that's what I decided to focus on. Here's how: 

Each day, for the past month or so, I've been reflecting on 1 Corinthians 7:34-35, "And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord." So as I've been praying, I make it a point to pray that the Lord would help me to make it my aim to be holy in body and spirit and to help me have a heart of undivided devotion to Him. 

At the end of each day, in order to ensure that I am making repentance a priority, I have been taking time to write down my prayers of repentance on little note cards. I specifically focus on asking His forgiveness for the ways I have not chosen to love Him with undivided devotion or have not made it my main aim to be holy. And I ask the Lord to radically change my heart and my life.

Then I ask Him to burn my bridges down.

Here's when some more lyrics come into play. 

My roommate Tori and I have been in a phase where we listen to OneRepublic's Native album on repeat. And there's one song in particular that has deeply impacted me. It's called Burning Bridges. Check it out:

"You and I were meant to be
Ain't no doubt about it
No way to hide that sort of thing
Now I’m waiting for something better
Ain't nothing better worth imagining

I, I keep on running
I’m building bridges that I know you never wanted
Look for my heart
You stole it away
Now on every single road that I could take
Listen, I want you to burn my bridges down
I said, I want you to burn my bridges down
Set me on Fire
You set me
Set me on Fire
You can burn my bridges down"

Honestly, I'm not totally sure why Ryan Tedder wanted to sing about this. But one thing I'm sure of is that these lyrics have really challenged me in my relationship with God. Because they have helped take me to the next level in truly seeking a lifestyle of deep repentance. Let me explain. 

If my relationship with God is an exclusive relationship where He's meant to be the number one love of my life, then for me to search for something better, run away from Him, and look for satisfaction and fulfillment in other places by "building bridges" to worship things that God never intended me to worship, then that's a real problem.  That's sin and idolatry. But in His goodness, He very lovingly chases me down as I'm running away from Him. And most of the time, I continue to fight against Him to try to get what I want. Typically, I don't pray for Him to take the things that I'm worshipping away from me; instead I pray that He would let me have them. Or I don't pray about them at all. I just build my life around getting what I want. 

So that's why a prayer that God would "burn my bridges down," or take my idols away, has become a crucial part of my repentance. Then when I see things going opposite to what I would like, it seems much more obvious that God is answering my prayers and that He's helping me to stop worshipping idols in order that I would worship Him with a heart that's set on fire with love for Him. 

Now, I make no claims that I'm an expert in repentance or having any of this figured out, but the fact that Jesus died for moral failures like me gives me confidence that I will be fully accepted by the Lord despite my best attempts to be holy, and it frees me to pursue Him all the more. So I do think I've truly seen a change in my life over the past month. The Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead has been working to bring life to my once dead heart so that I now have a heart that is increasingly intent on trusting and loving Him. Where there was hopelessness, there is now joy and contentment. And my circumstances haven't changed. It's just that the Lord has given me a renewed commitment to the fact that I would ultimately rather have Him crush my idols than for Him to simply let me have what I want, only to let me find that the hole in my heart still remains. He must be my source of life. That's the way He intended it to be. He even died that I could have true life through Him. (John 10:10-11) And what's funny is the more time I've spent asking the Lord to change me rather than trying to get the things that I want, the less I've even been aware of that hole. Maybe there's something to this repentance thing after all...

So thankful that He's insistent upon burning my bridges down and reminding me that 

Loving Him is Red!

In what ways have you dealt with your own hole in your heart?

What has worked to fill the emptiness?

What would it look like to take steps of repentance and ask the Lord to "burn your bridges down"?