The Valentine's Verdict

Throughout my time in high school, I looked forward to Valentine's Day for one reason, and one reason only: the flowers. 

But it's taken me til now to understand the reason why...

You see, my school managed the obscene amount of Valentine's deliveries by turning our lobby into a botanical wonderland - a repository for the endless number of bouquets that were sent to the school throughout the day. All in all, the protocol was pretty straightforward: If you happened to be dating someone when Valentine's day rolled around, you could be sure to receive a note in class telling you that you could pick up your flowers at the end of the day. But if you couldn't wait til then, you could at least try to catch a glimpse of your flowers on your way to lunch.  

I had been through the process enough times to know the drill, by the time I reached my senior year. And since I had been dating a guy for a few months, I was fairly certain that there would be flowers waiting for me in the lobby that day.

My lunch was scheduled for the earliest time slot, so I wasn't too worried after perusing the flower area to no avail. But as the hours ticked by, I became more and more unsettled. Class after class and still no trace of my flower note! Panic mode began to set in. It was unfathomable to me to think that my boyfriend didn't know to send me flowers…this was Valentine's Day after all… And then a horrifying thought crossed my mind: "Maybe he sent them to my house…"

The idea was almost too absurd to really even consider. "He wouldn't have had them delivered to my house!" I thought. "He went to this school for four years. He knows how the system works. He has to know that my flowers should be delivered to me at school..."

Yet as the final bell rang, I left my last class empty handed… And then I began to fume. Though I felt slightly relieved after coming home to a vase of lovely red roses, my anger was still not abated. Clearly, there was much more wrapped up in these flowers than I ever realized…

It wasn't just that I wanted flowers. I got them. And it wasn't even that I wanted a specific type of flower from a boy on Valentine's Day. I got that too. What I really wanted was for him to send me flowers in a way that everyone would see. Somehow, these flowers were supposed to publicly declare to the world that I was unquestionably and undeniably loved.   

Unfortunately, I didn't have the insight to recognize the great significance I was placing on these flowers. So things only grew worse in college...

My college was small enough to deal with Valentine's deliveries in almost the exact same way as my high school - except the note went to your mailbox. So all the flowers went to the info desk in the lobby of the student union. Botanical wonderland 2.0. But early in my college career, I made the decision that my days as a serial dater needed to come to an end. And you'll never guess what was one of the hardest things about it for me: the fact that there would be no flowers waiting for me in the lobby on Valentine's Day…

Sometimes I even preferred to avoid the lobby altogether. What used to be a stroll through a botanical wonderland became a walk of shame. Those flowers taunted me with every step. Each bouquet seemed to call out - "I'm not for you! I'm for girls with boyfriends - girls who are loved. How foolish you are to not to have a boyfriend on Valentine's Day. Don't you know that means no one loves you?! Everyone knows that!" Their screams felt so loud that they were almost more than I could bear.

Yet even if I had been able to avoid the taunts of those Valentine's flowers, I wouldn't have ever been able to evade the plethora of other things that continued to call out to me on a daily basis… Engagement rings. Relationship statuses. Wedding photos. You name it. Those things have all told me that they are the undeniable evidence that I am unloved. And I believed them. But I don't want to listen to them anymore. 

I am learning to listen to the blood of Jesus. His blood speaks better, louder, and more accurately than anything else in this world (Hebrews 12:24). It never taunts or mocks me. It does the exact opposite. It tells me it has cleansed me from all my shame and unrighteousness and that there is no condemnation left for me (1 John 1:5-10, Romans 8:1). It tells me I am fully loved, fully accepted. Always and forever.

So my real problem never had anything to do with flowers, Valentine's Day, boyfriends, or even what the rest of the world was thinking about me. My real problem was that I didn't really and truly believe that I was unquestionably and undeniably loved. So my life was a search for proof. 

But this past year, I began to believe, not just with my head, but in my heart, that my search was over. I began to believe that Jesus is the only proof I need to know I'm truly loved, and it has made me view Valentine's Day - and every other day - in a whole new way. 

The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that I can't look to Valentine's Day to give me a verdict of whether I'm loved or not. The real verdict is already in. Jesus died in my place. And then He came back to life. His sacrifice worked. And His blood speaks of what He's done. That's the proof. I am unquestionably, undeniably, irrevocably loved. No other evidence is needed. Case closed. End of story.

And here's the freeing part - when you truly believe that you are undeniably, unquestionably, irrevocably loved, you won't be thinking about what everyone else thinks of you. You won't need the world to know that you're loved. You won't be thinking about yourself at all. You'll just be. You'll just enjoy the better-than-life love of your Savior (Psalm 63:3). You'll bask in it. You'll taste and see it's goodness (Psalm 34:8). You'll savor it. And as you do, the love of Jesus will overflow onto everyone else in your life (John 4). Isn't that the love you want? The kind of love you want to share with the world? 

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us" (1 John 4:7-12).

So friends, let's not look to Valentine's Day to tell us who we are. Let's let the love of Jesus define us in every way, regardless of our circumstances, regardless of the day.

Because on Valentine's Day and every day - Loving Him is Red!

* Tim Keller's sermon, Blessed Self-Forgetfulness, has been instrumental in helping me come to these conclusions. I never realized that I could be free from the turmoil that I used to think was just a normal part of my life until mediating on the truths he shares from 1 Corinthians 3, 4, and 13. If you want to learn more about how to stop looking to other things to give you the verdict of whether or not you are loved, I would highly recommend listening to it! And listening to it multiple times!


* Want to believe what God says about you, but feel like you're living in silence? Check out last year's Valentine's Day post - Say Something, I'm Giving Up on Valentine's Day.