The Year I Started Living

Sometimes when you're in the middle of something, you can't see what's happening very clearly. It's only after you come out the other side of the tunnel that you even know what hit you.

During 2014, I reached the end of a tunnel. And when I did, I realized that something miraculous had taken place:

I started living.

I'm not really sure what I was doing before that or even how I got to that place, but the best way I know how to summarize the change that happened in the past year is by saying: 

I stopped letting my relationship status define my life. And it's felt like the difference between slavery and freedom. 

The weird thing is, I didn't even realize how many fears I had or how enslaved I was to them until I started experiencing what a deeper sense of freedom could feel like. 

Thankfully, the truth can set us free! 

Choosing to believe God's Word has made all the difference in helping me break out of my self-imposed prison.  

So now when I start to feel weighed down, burdened, and saddened by whatever circumstances seem to be the source of my distress, I've been quicker to realize that I'm probably believing some lie about my identity, about the Lord, or both, and I need to talk to Him about it. Actually, I need to let Him talk to me.  
  
Here's one such conversation from about a year ago that I wrote down in the midst of a major moment of struggle.

12/27/13

This is not who you are Sarah. You are not defined by your relationship status. You are not less of a person because you're not married or because you're not in a relationship, or because there are no men who are madly in love with you. I love you, and I'm the one who matters. Don't believe these lies. They will kill your soul, slowly from the inside, until you are desperately sad - totally stripped of the beautiful joy I intend for you to possess. I never meant for you to put your hope in earthly things. There is no cut off age for marriage - no age at which you are given the official title of total loser and rejected outcast, though I know sometimes you feel that way. Let me tell you something. I came once for people like you, and I am coming again. I will not forget you or overlook this current suffering. Though, I promise, one day it will be even less than a memory. Keep waiting. You are not rejected. You are not forgotten. Can a nursing mother forget her baby? Never! So I can never ever forget you! (Isa 49:14-16) It's time for you to be freed from this lie. I release you. Go and be healed (Mark 5:25-34).

Now, in the moment, this conversation didn't seem like a major turning point. I had honestly forgotten about it until I was rifling through some old documents. But reading over it again reminded me that the continual process of confronting the ugly lies that I had allowed to define me for so long was really what helped propel me toward freedom.  

Singleness is not a disease that needs to be healed. Real healing comes when we stop believing the lies that keep us in chains. And waiting for a godly spouse isn't a bad thing. But waiting expectantly for Jesus to come back is much more important. He is everything. And waiting for Him doesn't just look like sitting around til He gets here. He calls us to live for Him. And because of the Spirit that He's given us, we actually can!

Why then should we listen to our feelings when they tell us that our relationship status, or anything other than Jesus' perfect life, death, and resurrection defines us, when it will only leave us trapped, paralyzed by fear, and completely unable to move forward?

I don't need to be a slave to fear. Shame does not define me. Jesus does. He says I'm loved. He says I'm adopted into His family. He says I'm free.

Here are some concrete examples of what the change from slavery to freedom has looked like in my life:

Slavery - I used to think that I needed to wait to move away from State College until I got married. I felt paralyzed to even imagine where I could go next in the future. I didn't even want to think about it, because the idea of making that decision all by myself was so terrifying.
Freedom - A year ago, I decided I was going to move to Lewisburg, because that's where I felt like The Lord was calling me to go. And I didn't want my fears to prevent me from following Him or being used by Him.

Slavery - I used to think that I needed to wait to get bedroom furniture that I actually liked until after I got married.
Freedom - This summer, I found great bedroom furniture on Craigslist that I absolutely loved. I bought it without hesitating.

Slavery - I used to set deadlines for the latest date I could possibly get married based on my age and how long I thought I could wait without literally dying. I felt like I couldn't even commit to summer plans, because then it felt like it ruled out the possibility of getting married during that time.
Freedom - I decided to go on a mission trip to Colombia this summer without even thinking about the idea that the summer is when I should be getting married.

Slavery - I used to think that I needed to marry a guy who could take care of money and budgeting, because it was too scary for me to think about investing. And I definitely needed to wait to invest in buying a house. I felt like getting a house as a single woman would be equivalent to giving up.
Freedom - Now, I've started talking with a financial planner to help me figure out how to best invest my money to help me save for a house, because I would be excited for the opportunity to have another way to bless and minister to others.

These are just a few examples of the steps The Lord has helped me take into freedom. And I  can't wait to see what else He has in store for 2015!

There is no reason to live in slavery when Christ has set us free. He offers us freedom, and we are free to live in it right now! 

At the start of a new year, Loving Him is Red !

What lies have you been believing that keep you enslaved to fear? 

What would it look like to start living in freedom today?