In the midst of those tearful moments, I realized that there have been a couple of long term struggles that have really just been wearing on me - one being singleness. As I had been dealing with these same struggles this Spring, I had taken some time to pretty much exclusively listen to The Struggle album, by Tenth Avenue North, on repeat. I remembered appreciating that album because it's real - real life, real sadness, real suffering, real struggles. So I figured that it might be a good idea to take some time to listen again. One song, Worn, seemed particularly applicable.
As I listened to the words, I felt as though they almost perfectly reflected how I was feeling. So I was reminded that I wasn't alone in my weariness - that other people go through these struggles too. And even more than that, I was reminded that "redemption wins," that "the struggle ends," and that God "can mend a heart that's frail and torn!" Things will not be this way forever! In the end, God will make everything right!
And that comforted me. It really did.
But as I continued to listen to the album, I realized something else.
I realized that sometimes I give my sadness to God and take comfort in His loving promises to make all the pain and struggles go away, but then miss the opportunity to really and truly consider how my heart is still worshiping other things besides Jesus and to really and truly repent. And then I remembered one of the other reasons why I love this album. It's a real and honest crying out to God, but in a way that doesn't ignore repentance.
Because if the only comfort we get from God is that things are going to get better, then we miss the beauty of what God wants to do in and through us, sometimes particularly through suffering. He wants to transform us, make us new, give us new desires, help free us from our selfishness and our lust for all the things of this world that we were never meant to worship. God always has a redemptive plan in the midst of our suffering.
And often in the midst of my struggles, such as prolonged singleness, I can get so focused on getting the desire that my heart is set on (like marriage) that I ignore the opportunity to submit my desires to Him. And then I stop relentlessly asking myself about the ways I continue to love other things more than I love Him, when really I need to be all the more relentless in questioning my easily deceived heart. What that shows is that I am quite adept at making my relationship with Jesus completely about getting what I want, instead of realizing that I already have what I want - Jesus Himself - and He deserves my worship.
It's almost as though I still chase after all the vain things that I used to...but now I just pray for them more and find comfort in the fact that God loves me more than I previously realized. But The Lord wants so much more for me than that. Why should I keep chasing after shadows when He actually wants to free me from the pursuit of things that won't satisfy so I can be satisfied in Him?
Thankfully, my hope isn't in how well I repent. Then I would still be hopeless to ever get it right. But I do have a real and living hope in Jesus (1 Peter 1:3). He does all things well. He trusted His Father perfectly in the midst of the suffering He took on to revive us from the death we had chosen for ourselves. He is our salvation, our power and example for change:
"Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God. For the time that is past suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry" (1 Peter 4:1-3).
Jesus suffered during His time on earth, and so do we. And since His Spirit lives in us as Christians, He goes through it all with us, accomplishing His perfect plan to rescue us from the futile way of life we lived before and toward which we're so prone drift.
I know that I've already spent enough time chasing other things.
And it might be hard to fight that tendency.
And it might be tiring. But it's worth it.
Because Loving Him is Red.
What struggles and sufferings are you facing that have left you feeling worn?
What does it look like to both cry out to God and choose to look for opportunities for repentance?
In those times, I get busy with the work God has given me in my vocation: wife, mother, neighbor. Dishes, laundry, reading to my daughter, remembering to put on something cute before husband gets home from work.
ReplyDeleteIt's tempting to turn inward and dwell on my failures, but that never seems to be very productive. God has given us work to do; it's part of the Curse after the Fall, but in it, God blesses us and others.
I like what Naomi says in this post: http://embraceyourfeminity.wordpress.com/2013/08/15/patience-in-gods-time-not-ours/
"Sometimes it seems our lives have come to a halt, it seems nothing is moving forward and that we are not progressing in any way, but this is just what we think, because we often are totally oblivious to the lessons we are being taught in this time, that we will later realize, or how we may help and enrich the lives of others’ during this time."