A Great Capacity to Love

This past week, some friends and I watched The Sound of Music together. It was a lot of fun to sing along with the songs I had learned and enjoyed as a child and to experience the love story all over again. But one thing I had not expected or remembered was how helpful the Reverend Mother was at giving advice and wisdom when it came to honoring God with red love.

If you remember, the Reverend Mother is the head nun at the convent where Maria (our leading lady) has come to take her vows of nunhood. When it doesn't seem to be going very well, the Reverend Mother sends Maria to spend some time as a governess to take a break from the convent. But when Maria realizes that she's fallen in love, she comes back to the convent confused and frightened.

This is how Maria describes her first encounter with red love: "I've never felt that way before...Oh, there were times when we would look at each other - oh, Mother, I could hardly breathe... That's what's been torturing me. I was there on God's errand. To have asked for his love would have been wrong...Please help me." And the Reverend Mother responds with this piece of advice - "You have a great capacity to love. What you must find out is how God wants you to spend your love."

Though I am not in the same situation as Maria, (since I am most certainly not contemplating becoming a nun), I found myself quite encouraged by these words of advice.
Because it's easy for me to think about how I would prefer to spend my love, but it's harder to truly consider how God has called me to spend my love, especially when it looks different than my preference.

For a little while now, I have been wrestling with the feeling that I have all of this love in my heart that is being wasted simply because I'm single. I don't even know quite how to describe the inner struggle. It's like this internal sense that I have the capacity to be more, to love more, to give more...but no one gets to benefit from it. And then the downward spiral begins. 

I start to think, "Wouldn't it be better to at least just marry someone so that all this love doesn't go to waste?" But then I remember that my romantic streak as well as my desire to honor God would never permit me to go through with that. So then I grow increasingly impatient for the man of my dreams to come find me, and then I become subsequently discouraged since such a man would, of course, never be interested in me, and thus, I conclude that all of my love will, in fact, end up being wasted.

As any discerning person might realize, these unbridled feelings of mine are flooded with ridiculous lies, which is partially why I share them with you. It's easy for me to think that all of my feelings are true and that no one else quite understands - that I am alone in my struggle. But the Bible says that our temptations are not unique, but common, and that Jesus faced them all (1 Corinthians 10:13, Hebrews 4:15).

In this situation, as I began to recognize that I was believing lies, I knew I needed to more closely consider what was going on in my head and my heart, so I started to think about why I tend to feel like my love is being wasted. 

For one thing, I've seen that when a man is in love with a woman, she has a tremendous opportunity to be his biggest cheerleader. If he knows that she is standing with him and fully supports and believes in him, then he pretty much feels like he can tackle anything that comes his way. Think of our beloved Matthew Crawley from Downton Abbey when he says to his lady, "I believe I can make Downton safe for our children, but I can only do it if you're with me." Or consider David Guetta's hit song, Without You, in which Usher sings about the great things he wants to do, but can't, unless he has the support of the woman he loves - "I won't soar, I won't climb, if you're not here, I'm paralyzed."  This idea that I could remind a man of the gospel daily simply by being with him and encouraging him with who he is in Christ, is extremely exciting to me! And I want to do that! 

And it's a good desire for me to have, but I must subject it to the Lord - His will and His timing.

Because the thing is, I don't have control over what man does or does not love me nor do I have control over the time frame. But God does. And if God hasn't allowed the man I'm waiting for to pursue me, then that means that right now God is calling me to spend my love some other way. How I choose to spend my love is something that I have control over. So if I'm excited to spend my love by encouraging God's work in the people around me, then what's to stop me from doing so?

By God's grace, I've been attempting to pay attention to the people around me in order to encourage them with the truths of the gospel any chance I can get. I've been trying to tell them when I notice evidences of grace in their lives so that they can be reminded that God is doing great things in them and through them. I've been striving to cherish and embrace opportunities that God has given me to just spend time with people and live life alongside them, especially in ways that I might not be able to if I ever get married. And it's been amazing! I love spending my love this way!

Because if we are in any way fearful that our love is being wasted or repressed, then we must assuredly and appropriately give it away to everyone we know, especially to those we would be most hesitant to love naturally. This is certainly the example that Jesus set for us by giving His life for us weary sinners. And if we are acutely aware that Jesus has poured His love into our hearts so that we can pour that same love out on others, why would we delay in doing so? Simply because we are afraid that we will be restricted from loving the person we want? Indeed, the Person we want most has asked us to pour all of our love back on Him daily.  

Though Jesus has called us to love others, our greatest call is to love Him. And as we experience Jesus' great love in forgiving our many sins, He awakens within us a deeper and greater capacity to love Him. Even if we are tempted to consider it a waste, Jesus most certainly commends those who pour out their love on Him. Just think of the woman who literally pours out her perfume, love, and livelihood at Jesus' feet. Others may have considered it a waste, but Jesus considered it beautiful. (Luke 7:36-50).

When you're forgiven much, you can't help but ever increasingly love the One who has forgiven you. So spending your great capacity to love on Him will never be a waste. 

Because Loving Him is Red.

A Few More Thoughts:

Ladies - If you're like me and excited to be one man's greatest cheerleader someday, I hope you'll wait for a man you deeply respect, who reminds you of Jesus more than anyone you've ever met, and who is passionate to serve God in a way that excites you - otherwise, you won't be a very good cheerleader to him, and that would be sad for both of you. 
Also, as I shared these ideas with a wise friend, she suggested that it was part of how God made women as helpers. This just happens to be the topic of the DiscipleMakers Women's Conference this year! So if you're a female student involved with DM and you can resonate with what I shared about wanting to be an encourager, some of the most amazing women I know want to help you learn what it means to love Jesus and love others, particularly as a woman. Go ahead and register :) Not involved? Check out the Women's ministry at your church and find an older woman in the faith to help you learn what it means to be a godly woman.

Men - If you want to marry a woman who will be your greatest cheerleader someday, I hope you'll pursue a woman who deeply encourages you with grace, who loves Jesus more than anyone you've ever met, and who is excited about how God has called you to serve Him - otherwise she won't be a very good cheerleader to you, and that would be sad for both of you.
Shockingly, I'm not a guy, so I don't fully understand how God might want you to spend your love and energy, besides of course, dedicating it to the Lord and in the service of others. However, I'm so thankful that there are awesome older men in the faith who want to teach you about Biblical manhood. I'd encourage you to take the time to learn from these men in your campus fellowships and in your churches. Take advantage of events like Man Up: Follow Jesus or Men's Conference: Lord of the Earth!

Anyone else have any ideas of what it looks like to spend your love in a way that honors the Lord, especially when it's not how you would prefer to spend it at the moment?